O.K. So, I haven't published on my blog in quite some time. . .life. . .enough said, right?
Most often I post fun and "fluffy" things things like recipes,
craft projects, puppies, smiling children, etc.
Today, though I am sharing my heart, my struggles, my humanity. . .
I lay awake last night unable to sleep, which is not my norm!!!
I usually fall asleep in 30 seconds flat.
I ended up getting up out of bed and going in to clean the kitchen, which is also not my norm!!!
I usually follow the mantra of, "it can wait til morning."
While I was rustling around the house the thoughts that plagued my sleep cycle kept running through my mind. . . worthless, weary, wallflower, ineffective, incompetent, incomplete, selfish, self-doubt, self-condemned. . .
As I was thinking these thoughts, I felt like I should just write them down. I wrote them all down on a piece of paper to get them out of my head and decided to tackle them in the morning. As I was looking at my list I felt a voice inside me say, "Look to my Word. There you will find your answers. The words on this paper are lies."
Here is my pile of lies in all it's pathetic glory.
This morning I grabbed my Bible and a journal and started in on the first word on my list.
All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.
For if those who depend on the law are heirs, faith means nothing and the promise is worthless. . .
For, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed. . .
When I try to do it on my own I am trying to "work" it out under the law (to follow all the rules, to be good enough). I need to remind myself each day to stand under Grace and bask in the knowledge that God as chosen me to be His daughter.
As I looked up verses and wrote my prayer down a word jumped out from my page. . .Chosen. . .I have been chosen by God. God would not chose something that is worthless any more so than I would bring home a rotten apple from the store. He has deemed me worthy!!!! I am chosen. I need do nothing more than to have faith in Him and believe that He has poured out His grace and deemed me worthy. If I am trying to prove myself, then it makes His promises to me worthless.
So, for today I will cross out